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Family Dynamics

Not only has your role and place in the world changed since becoming a parent, but so has that of other family members who have become grandparents, aunts and uncles and siblings. In turn this can effect relationships with extended family.

One of the challenges for new mums and dads is being able to parent their child in the way that they wish. Oftentimes people around the new baby have ideas about things like feeding, sleeping and who should do what role with the baby and these might not align with the new parents’ ideas. Perhaps a grandparent expects the woman to breastfeed, but she has decided not to. Maybe the in-laws are being too involved, coming over more often than you would like. Perhaps an aunt expects to babysit but the new parents are not ready yet. Or maybe a grandparent shows no interest in the child at all and the parents had thought they would be more helpful. All these situations show that expectations have not met with reality which can be disappointing, surprising and even sad. It can also increase tensions in the home if the new parents are disagreeing with how this should be managed.

This period of having a new baby involves a renegotiation of all the important relationships and this takes time and can feel a bit uncomfortable to start with. One of the key parts of this change in the relationships is being able to have clear boundaries and express them to others in a way that preserves the relationship. It also requires the parents to be on the same page about how they want family and friends to be involved. This is usually the first step to ensure that there is consistent messaging from both new parents about family and friends involvement.